The Winning Edge: How Emotional Intelligence Elevates Performance
With hockey season kicking off, I was recently asked by a coach about running a session on emotional intelligence for 12-year-old players. It got me thinking about how critical it is for young athletes to understand and manage their emotions, especially in the heat of competition.
One simple model I like to share has been inspired by OJ Life Lab, which helps people put a word on their emotions. I like their matrix to map the emotions on 2 axis: pleasant vs unpleasant and high energy vs low energy. Interestingly, their science shows that top-performing athletes, and even front-line workers, aren’t necessarily in a positive emotional state—they’re hyper-focused, and their emotions are balanced, hovering near neutral, regardless of whether they’re unpleasant or pleasant. In their matrix, they documented around 100 emotions to help professional have a better grasps of their emotions.
Here is a simplified matrix to help with young athletes.
As an athlete, your job is to perform and be in the zone. To help achieve this, you need to stay alert and observe the flow of your emotions, recognize the information they’re giving you, and regulate them toward a neutral state for optimal performance. This allows athletes to concentrate fully on their own game, funnelling their focus inward to their own performance and practices, rather than being distracted or thrown off by external factors like the other team, the crowd, or the scoreboard.
A crucial part of regulating emotions is understanding that movement is key. If you’re sitting still in front of the TV, you’re not going to suddenly feel like mowing the lawn—you have to get up and start moving to change your state. The same applies on the ice. Sometimes, the only way to shift from a low-energy or negative emotional state is through movement, whether it’s jumping up on the bench, cheering with teammates, or physically getting into action. Movement activates the body and can help regulate emotions.
For coaches, helping kids identify and understand their emotions doesn’t have to be complicated. Offering simple, relatable words can go a long way. You might say something like, “It sure would make me angry if another player tripped me—that’s not fair. You’d prefer cleaner plays, right?” The child might connect with the word “angry” or might clarify it by responding with something like, “Yeah, it’s frustrating!” This kind of exchange not only helps the child articulate their feelings but also reassures them that their emotions are valid. For many young kids, words don’t always come easily, and offering them a way to express their emotions can be incredibly helpful. Being angry, for example, often means something deeper has happened, like a perceived lack of respect or unfairness.
Here are two examples of how coaches can help their players manage emotions during a game:
- Low Energy, Unpleasant Emotion:
When the team is feeling down—maybe they’re discouraged because the opposing team is too strong—it’s important for the coach to acknowledge those feelings. Ask the kids what’s going on, and help them put words to the emotions they’re experiencing. In this case, the information might be telling them that it feels impossible to turn the game around. The coach’s role is to help the players increase their energy levels and focus on what they can control—their own play. A more neutral emotional state can be achieved through energizing activities on the bench—stand up, cheer, maybe even sing a team song to lift spirits. Movement here is key—get them moving and their emotional state will start to shift. - High Energy, Unpleasant Emotion:
Let’s say you have a player who’s extremely angry on the ice, making poor decisions and yelling at teammates. At that moment, their emotional state is out of control. The coach might need to bench them for a minute, listen to their frustrations, and help them identify the high-energy emotions they’re feeling. A simple exercise, like pushing against a wall to release that energy, followed by calm breathing, could help the player reset. Movement here helps dissipate the anger and guides the player toward a more neutral, focused state. The goal is to get them back on the ice, funnelling that energy into focused play, rather than reacting to external distractions.
In both cases, the coach is helping the players develop emotional awareness and control. But the work doesn’t end on the ice. Back in the locker room, it’s important to reinforce the lessons: What did they do to regulate their emotions? How did it impact their play? A quick retrospective can help the kids build on good habits.
Of course, coaching hockey involves mastering the technical aspects of the game—skills, strategies, and teamwork. But nurturing emotional intelligence is just as important. For hockey coaches, developing skills like active listening and asking powerful questions can make a real difference in helping kids perform at their best.
Finally, while understanding and managing emotions is crucial, the real focus should always be on the desired outcome. Emotional intelligence helps players and teams better regulate their states, but it’s important that this emotional regulation serves the purpose of reaching the end goal—whether that’s scoring points, improving teamwork, or achieving personal growth. Encouraging athletes to balance their emotions in pursuit of their objectives ensures that emotional management doesn’t become the end in itself, but rather a tool to consistently perform at their best and reach their desired outcomes.
This applies to Agile coaching as well. Agile coaches must master practices like good engineering techniques, solid product ownership, and delivery strategies. It’s not just about mastering emotional inteligence and asking the right questions — it’s about mentoring teams in the practices that lead to sustainable, high-quality results. While the coaching mindset is essential, equally important is guiding teams with concrete techniques to help them break through sub-optimal behaviors and perform at their best.
Understanding Energy Levels and Emotions
| Energy Level | Unpleasant Emotions | Pleasant Emotions |
|---|---|---|
| High Energy | Angry, Stressed, Frustrated | Festive, Upbeat, Hyper |
| Moderate Energy | Worried, Concerned, Uneasy | Happy, Focused, Playful |
| Low Energy | Tired, Hopeless, Sad | Calm, Relaxed, Content |
Understanding the Meaning Behind Emotions in Hockey
| Emotion | Potential Meaning | Coaching Tip (What to say to the player) | In-Game Movement (Bench or Playing) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Angry | Indicates frustration, often due to a perceived injustice or conflict with an opponent or referee. | “Channel that anger into strong, clean plays. Focus on hitting your passes and staying disciplined. Don’t let them get in your head.” | Encourage them to grip their stick tightly and make controlled, firm passes during their next shift to release energy. |
| Stressed | The player feels overwhelmed or under pressure to perform. | “Take a breath. Focus on the next play, one step at a time. You don’t need to do everything yourself—just do your job well.” | Deep breathing exercises on the bench while gripping and releasing the stick to relieve stress. |
| Frustrated | Indicates blocked progress, inability to score, or poor performance, leading to frustration. | “Don’t force it—slow the game down, make the easy play. Let the game come to you. Stick to the basics.” | Encourage them to slow down their movements during the next shift—focus on steady, precise skating and puck control. |
| Uneasy | Indicates discomfort or nervousness with the game situation, often due to uncertainty. | “It’s okay to feel uneasy, just focus on what you can control. Stick to your role and trust your instincts.” | While on the bench, have them adjust their equipment (tighten gloves, check stick) to focus on something concrete and reduce nervousness. |
| Worried | Concern about making mistakes or fear of failure. | “Mistakes happen—forget the last shift. Focus on your next one, we trust you. Get back to the basics and keep skating.” | Breathing exercises while visualizing the next play on the bench. On the ice, focus on smooth, controlled strides to calm nerves. |
| Concerned | Focused on a specific issue affecting performance, such as a challenging opponent. | “Don’t worry about them—focus on your own play. Keep it simple: strong on the puck, good positioning, and smart plays.” | Small puck-handling drills with teammates while waiting for the next shift to re-engage with the game. |
| Festive | High energy after a successful play, but could lose focus. | “Great job! Now keep that energy up, but stay focused—we’re not done yet. Next shift, same intensity, same discipline.” | On the bench, keep them moving lightly—encourage them to bounce on their toes or tap their stick while waiting to maintain energy. |
| Upbeat | Positive, forward-looking energy due to a good play or momentum shift. | “Keep that confidence, but stick to the game plan. We’re doing well—don’t get ahead of yourself. One shift at a time.” | Lightly stretch or jog in place on the bench to stay sharp. On the ice, focus on quick bursts of speed and precise movements. |
| Hyper | Excessively high energy, leading to chaotic or impulsive decisions. | “Slow down, focus on precision not speed. Let the game come to you—focus on making clean plays, not just fast ones.” | Encourage slow, deliberate movements on the bench (e.g., gripping and releasing the stick) to channel energy. On the ice, focus on steady, controlled skating. |
| Happy | Satisfaction with their performance, but risks complacency. | “You’re doing great—keep it up, but don’t let your guard down. Stay sharp and keep working hard.” | Gentle stretching on the bench to stay loose but focused. On the ice, focus on maintaining strong puck control and positioning. |
| Focused | Engaged and concentrated on the game. Ideal state for performance. | “Keep that focus—you’re locked in. Stay sharp and keep playing your game. Every shift counts.” | Have them mentally rehearse their next play on the bench. On the ice, focus on deliberate, sharp movements to stay engaged. |
| Carefree | Too relaxed, may lack urgency or intensity. | “We need you to step it up. This is crunch time, let’s bring the energy and intensity—every shift matters.” | Encourage them to jog in place or tap their feet on the bench to raise energy. On the ice, focus on strong, powerful strides to inject urgency. |
| Complacent | Satisfied with the current situation, but not pushing to improve. | “Don’t settle—push harder, the game isn’t over yet. This is when great players keep improving.” | On the bench, suggest quick bursts of movement like standing and stretching. On the ice, focus on pushing harder on each stride to break through complacency. |
| Mellow | Calm, laid-back attitude, which could lead to low intensity. | “Stay relaxed, but we need more energy. Pick up the pace and bring more intensity to your shifts.” | Gentle bouncing or stretching on the bench. On the ice, focus on increasing the tempo of skating or puck handling. |
| Tired | Physical or mental fatigue. | “Stay with it, give it all you’ve got for the next shift. Short, hard shifts—push through for the team.” | Stretching or rotating shoulders on the bench to keep muscles loose. Focus on short, high-energy bursts during the shift to conserve energy. |
| Hopeless | Feels like they can’t succeed, or the game is out of reach. | “There’s still time, keep fighting. Focus on winning your next shift—anything can happen.” | Light leg or arm movements on the bench to stay ready. On the ice, focus on simple plays and steady skating to regain confidence. |
| Sad | Disappointment or feeling they aren’t meeting expectations. | “It’s tough, but this is how you learn and get better. Focus on the next play—bounce back and show what you’ve got.” | Slow stretching or puck handling on the bench to refocus. On the ice, concentrate on small wins like completing passes or good positioning. |
